SPICE GIRLS VOCAL SYNTHESIZERS RE-UNITE

July 12, 2007 — by Pete York

Yes, it’s true. The moment we’ve all been waiting for is almost upon us. An agreement has been reached between the various machines which provided the Spice Girls with passably in tune if bland voices. Some machines were Japanese, some American and some from Taiwan but cultural barriers have come down with a thickening sud and these clever devices will whir back into action for a new tour, DVD, thong, book, monopoly game and disease. As there is very little chance of the five human stem cell bundles who made up the original group ever being on the same Continent together, what will the live show consist of. The aforesaid group of machines will aurally spew forth the songs and five stunning looking latex dolls from realdoll.com will swing onto the stage operated by invisible wires from overhead by several out of work Jim Henson Muppeteers. The whole exercise should be a money spinner and isn’t that the point? Did the Spice Girls have talent? Well they had no voices, couldn’t dance and they made a great deal of money. So, of course they had talent. It was called whack up the public. So, dear public, prepare to be whacked up one more time. And, when you get fed up with being duped and exploited by MTV, come round and search out a little live music joint where people really play and love what they’re doing. And if I’m there you can yell up, „ You’re just jealous, you old fart.“ And I can yell back, „You bet your ass I am.“